It is possible that if you have a teenage son he does not tell you anything about his life and you feel confused or worried about what may happen to him, maybe because of this, you feel the need to spy on him to know that everything is fine, maybe you think it is a way to protect them. ‘Spying’ has a negative connotation, it is something that is done in a disguised way so that another does not realize that you are finding out things about him / her.
There are parents who think they have the right to spy on their children, but what is necessary is that there is a direct relationship between responsibility, coherence and honesty in terms of what the children show to their parents and the amount of privacy that is given to them. allows to have in their bedrooms. Parents make the mistake of thinking that children have no right to have or keep secrets.
They need to have their identity
Teens need to separate emotionally and individualize, which means they want to feel that they have power over their life. It all begins when a child enters the bathroom, closes the door and becomes uncomfortable if someone enters. It is natural in human relationships that this type of separation exists and in adolescence it is something that is becoming clearer. Teens need to have a bedroom that becomes their refuge and where they can enter and close the door, they must have a place where they can spend time alone and that the rest of the family respects it.
What is spying on teenagers?
When I refer to the term ‘spy’ I do not mean that you take the car and chase him on a date, if not when you are not at home you look at its drawers, its closets, that you look at your mobile phone, that you access your computer to look at your folders or read your email, look at your backpacks, look for things in your pockets … or any other action that has to do with this type of activity.
But even if your child does not trust you or you do not consider him responsible, there would not be a reason to do this kind of actions either. It is necessary that you never fall into this error and that you respect the limits that exist between privacy and the responsibility of your children. Would you like your children to spy on you? Do not do the same with them, it is necessary to demonstrate how they should be responsible and allow them to mature, and if you trust them it is very likely that they begin to value trust.
Monitor them rather than spying
But it must be made clear to adolescent children that they can have privacy, as long as they have earned it beforehand. For that, talk to your children that privacy and keeping the door closed is a privilege that can only be achieved through trust, honesty and respect. Having privacy is not a right, and your children should know that if they violate trust and honesty, the first thing that will change is that you will be looking carefully at what is happening, because you care about them and want them to be all right.
For avid parental monitoring, parents can make use of parental monitoring apps for Android such as FamilyTime that gives parents details of all their kids activities and keep parents connected to their kids even on the go.
With FamilyTime, parents can monitor their kids from their own digital devices which means that they won’t have to move around either.
With that, bear in mind that it is not ‘spying’ when you decide to take additional measures to keep your children safe from what is happening because of their bad decisions, rather monitoring with consent helps better.